"I don't want to bring another kid into this world. But how do you argue against loving one that's already here?" -From the movie Martian Child
In Amy Ford’s life there is never a dull moment. Ford and her partner, both Caucasian, have found their lives very busy because they have adopted four children. It is not a big deal to them, but many people might be shocked to learn that all four children are African American. Their adopted children are aged seven, four, 18 months and eight months.
This kind of adoption, known as transracial adoption is not uncommon. Transracial adoption is defined as a situation where children are placed with a family of a different race or ethnicity from themselves by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. The majority of children up for adoption today are African American or other minorities while the majority of people looking to adopt are Hispanic or Anglo according to Karie Coffman from Pathways Youth and Family Services.
“For the kids it isn’t so much about race, but rather about getting a sense that they belong in the family. That’s all they really want,” Coffman said.
For Ford, the scariest part of being a new mother to an African American child came down to hair care.
“When I first got the call my first thought was what on earth am I going to do with her hair? I have a co-worker who is African American and she heard and asked how old the child was. When I told her that we were getting a baby just a couple of months old she laughed and told me I had plenty of time and she was absolutely right,” said Ford.
According to a study published by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in 2008 came to three main conclusions about African American children in the foster care and adoption system. First they found that being transracially adopted will not cause psychological or social issues in a child. Also children and families involved in transracial adoptions face an array of difficulties and how those problems are dealt with will either aid or obstruct the child’s development. Finally, children who come from foster care to adoption do so with risk factors that makes healthy development more difficult. In order to best help these children, research shows that it is extremely important to place children with families best suited to cater to their individual needs.
Karen Jennett has had a lot of experience with families who have adopted transracially as a social worker. She admits that she has worked with families who say they prefer to adopt children of the same race.
“For some it’s a question of will this child be able to look at a picture and feel like part of the family as they get older? It’s a matter of doing what is in the child’s best interest,” said Jennett.
There was one case Jennett handled with an African American family who adopted biracial children. The children had some issues when they first came to the family because the father figure in the house they grew up in had made racist remarks against African Americans and the children had picked it up over time. However, after a few months in the house the children came around and now have become comfortable and happy in their living situation.
Sometimes it is too much for a family to overcome. Jennett recalled an African American family that fostered a white child but ultimately decided against adoption because they felt that in the end it would be too hard for them and the child. They said they felt that society would impose further stress on the child they felt was already in a traumatic situation.
On the other hand, Jennett has seen situations where race is absolutely not an issue. In one case there was an African American woman who adopted a 13 year old Caucasian boy. The adoptive mother was very open with the boy and informed Jennett that she told him if he ever had cultural activities he wanted to do to tell her and they could do them together and she encourages him to continue to interact with remaining family members.
Ford has also found success through adoption. She says it has been helpful that she adopted all her children when they were infants so they had not known any other family. She also says that though the children are the most precious and important thing in the world to her, it is important to remember that their race will be an issue.
“These kids are a minority in the world so you have to teach them to maneuver in the real world or you are doing them a major disservice. You have to put together a village of support for them and show them to be who they are,” said Ford.
On Ford’s website she posted a list of the top things Caucasian parents should know when raising African American children.
A few of the tips from the list are:
-Darker skin is drier than lighter skin so expect to use a liberal amount of moisturizer daily
-Sandboxes are not your friend and should be avoided because it takes a tremendous amount of time and effort to remove the sand from a child’s hair
-Limit your child’s exposure to water because the child’s hair is naturally dry and does not need to be washed as much; washing once a week is fine
-It is important for the parent to realize that their child’s hair is completely different from their own and should be treated as such
-Their hair needs to be washed with a hydrating shampoo and a lot of conditioner
-Use a comb for boys and a brush for girls
After figuring out things like how to deal with their hair, adoptive parents have to worry about a wider spectrum of problems especially how to deal with society. Dealing with the community and how it will react at large is often the most challenging issue according to Karie Coffman at Pathways Youth and Family Services.
“It gets to be a big issue because when the family goes out and people see that the child is a different race or ethnicity from the rest of the family they ask questions. They will often come right out and ask if the child is adopted or even if the other spouse is black in some situations,” said Coffman.
Despite the challenges, Ford will tell you she is very happy to be a mom to each one of her children.
“They are the joys of my life, they are my suns and moons and I believe that each and every one of them were intended to find their way to me,” said Ford.
Ford will be the first one to tell you that adoption is a hard process. She says it is a constant game of “hurry up and wait” and that “if you have an iron stomach you can adopt.” Ford feels that when you decide to adopt you throw yourself at the mercy of Child Protective Services, the Justice Department and everyone else who has a hand in the process. She says people are surprised to find that she adopted all four children separately meaning that she has been through the adoption process four different times. It takes a long time and a lot of patience, but Ford insists that “motherhood is absolutely wonderful.”
